It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
