Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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