I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
