At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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