Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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