I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
