pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
