It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Randomize
