And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize
