burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Houston, we have a blender
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I think my nap took me to another dimension
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
