Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
