Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Randomize
