Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Randomize
