he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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