bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
