This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
