we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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