I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
