Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
