Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
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