i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
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