You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
