my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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