Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
