just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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