Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
