Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
