I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
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