i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
