Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
My hand turned me down
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
