I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
