my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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