I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
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