im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
