do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
