Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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