Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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