moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
