the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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