when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Randomize
