At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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