next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
