he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
