I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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