Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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