I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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