Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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