so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
