She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
