She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
