All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Randomize
