i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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