How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
"it" just moved
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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