We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
