i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Found your dick twin last night
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
