Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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