oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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