if you like me you must not know who I am
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I didn't shave. On purpose
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
