This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
