i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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