end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
